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Friday, October 5, 2007

I'm walking, yes indeed, I'm walking

I vowed to myself that I would start walking everyday with the exception of sundays, no excuses. This is day five of my walking and I would like to share the benefits that I have already reaped and what I have observed since monday. I have walked everyday this week with a few friends, 2 of whom are pregnant and want to stay fit and one of whom has about thirty pounds to lose. I have thouroughly enjoyed spending time with my friends and am a little more grateful for their friendship. I never realized how much I love to just get out of the house. We have been having car trouble and my husband has to take the car to work every day because it would put too much wear and tear on it for me to take him, come back home, pick him up, etc. This has given me a wonderful opportunity to just get out of the darn house. My kids usually take a nap during my walk but they enjoy it as well. We usually walk about 1.5 to 2 miles and that might not seem like much, but when you weigh almost 400 lbs and you are pusing an 80 lb stroller, that is a workout. By the time we are done, I am sweating, my legs and arms are sore and my heart is pounding. But surprisingly enough, I am not tired during the day. I have WAY more energy than before and I feel lighter and less sluggish. I am even keeping my house cleaner because I don't feel so lazy. I drink more water now because I am walking. My pee no longer looks like budweiser. And to top it all off, I am more conscious of what I am eating because I don't want to ruin all my hard work. I ain't sayin' that I got my eating 100% in check yet, but it is noticeably better than what it used to be. All this in only 5 days. I could slap myself for not doing this sooner. Sure it is hard getting up and wrestling with the twins to get out there, but once I do I am glad I did. I don't know if I lost any weight yet because I am too fat to get a reading on my scale but when I do go to the doctor or a truck weigh-in station, I will let you all know.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Sorry for the hiatus

Hello all. I am sorry for my sudden and abrupt disappearance. I had a lot going on in the last few weeks and to be honest, I fell off the weight loss wagon, gained more weight and basically just let it all go. I am back now. I went on vacation (again) to see my family in NJ about ten days after I got back from AZ. While I was there I just lost it. I was eating everything I could get my hands on. I mean it was just undescribable. I even ate muffin mix. I just put it in a bowl, poured in the milk and ate it. I probably gained 20, maybe 30 pounds. I couldn't even tell you how much I weigh now because my bathroom scale is supposed to only go up to 350. At last count, or at least when I started this blog, I weighed 357 and I got that weight from my scale. The last time I stepped on it, it just went E as in error, as in "Lady, the error is that you have gotten too fat, and I am tired of telling it to you." So, what brought me back you say? Well, really, a conversation that I had with my husband. He was acting strange, kind of like he was upset with me, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. We went to bed saturday night and, I am telling you the truth, I was afraid to go to sleep. I was so scared that my heart was going to stop and I was going to die that I was afraid to go to sleep. So I told my husband and he told me that it is true. He said that he is frustrated with this problem and that he is concerned about my health and that he was reading 1 Corinthians 3:16, 17 and, to paraphrase, it says that you are the temple of God and that if you defile that temple, God will destroy it. He said that he had been praying for me that God would open my eyes and give me the desire to overcome this battle that I have been struggling with all my life. I began to think of my kids. How I had heard this story of a two-year-old girl who called 911 because her mother had some sort of heart problem and passed out and how the mom was overweight. I thought of my babies and how they would be too little to do anything if something happened to me. I thought of the video clip that a friend who also struggles with her weight showed me and how little this lady did to get her weight off just staying persistent. And I decided to come back. Pick this thing up and come back.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Have no fear, I have not been abducted by aliens.....

I know I have been slipping. I was gone all last week and it has been really hard to get back into the swing of things this week (hello, a week without kids or having to cook or clean is soooooo hard to get over). Anyways, I will be back in full blogger form tomorrow at which point you can expect a full report on my trip and how good, or should I say bad (gulp!), I was. Tata for now!!!! Ciao!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Five o' clock in the morning-where you gonna be? ON MY COMPUTER!!!!!

So I woke up this morning at five and couldn't get back to sleep. I didn't go to bed super early, maybe about 11 or so, but I just couldn't get back to sleep. I think it is because my kids are gone, it just feels weird. Anyway, I am going to go to the gym for the first time today. They have a salsa-groove aerobics class that I really wanted to try out and now I just feel like I have all these things I want to do since my kids are with their grandparents and I don't have to worry about who is going to watch them, do I have enough juice, is the stroller in the trunk, you know, mom stuff. I am going to our annual church conference next week and to be honest, I am ambivalent about it. I am soooo excited to go and see all the different people from the different churches, the friends and acquaintances that I have made over the years, but I am a lot heavier than I was the last time we went. Granted I have had twins since everyone last saw me, but that was still over a year ago (geez, where does the time go). I used to laugh when people were doing all this stuff to lose weight before conference and buying all these clothes like I didn't care how I looked but this year I am disgusted with myself. I look like crap all the time because I feel like crap all the time. I won't buy any new clothes because I told myself I wouldn't buy any new clothes until I lost weight but now I regret that because I just don't try anymore and I don't think that is good. I used to take pride in my looks and lately if I got on a clean shirt, I am doing alright. No worries, we don't go there for a fashion show but I know that I should, as a christian and as a woman, put my best face, body, etc. forward. So next year, I resolve to go to conference changed (and I might add for the better).

My thursday thirteen, but it's friday so it's friday thirteen again....AAACK!

1. That my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, died to save me from my sins and desires to know me....that will ALWAYS be my first one.

2. That I have a roof over my head and my basic needs are provided for. We have been having bad car troubles these past few weeks and I have to take the bus sometimes (absolutely taboo in southern California) but most of the world doesn't even own a car and some of the world can't even say their basic needs are met. I can make that statement and then some so I shouldn't complain (even though I do).

3. That I have a wonderful husband that puts up with me being a crappy wife lately and I know he still loves me. He's not going out to the bar all night or sending text messages to some bimbo at work. For that reason alone, I am motivated to be better.

4. For music, without which my brain would shrivel up and life would be just, plain bland......bleaaahhh....

5. For my babies. As much as they get on my nerves, and I cherish the moments when they are sleep, they went to spend the week at Grammy's and I still cried when they left and am about to cry now. I was at a friends house after they left. I thought I saw something on the floor, and thought it would be one of their little faces crawling around the couch to peek at me, but nothing was there. I need to remember that the next time I am frustrated with them that if they were gone, nothing would be there in the HUGE place in my heart I have for them.

6. For Dr. Laura. She reminds me when I am being a crappy wife and that I need to "Do the right thing".

7. For ears to hear, eyes to see, a mind to think and a heart to love.

8. For flip flops. Sometimes just feeling a cool breeze on your feet can be a pick-me-up.

8. For all of you who write and encourage me and laugh at my jokes, it really means a lot to me to see all of your comments.

9. For make-up. I positively love the stuff

10. For books. You can be in a whole different world without even getting out of your seat.

11. For my friends. They make me laugh and they make me think and they make me want to be a better person.

12. For prayer. A tool that, to be honest, I don't use nearly as much as I should but I am going to give thanks for it because it is powerful and it does work.

13. For God's word that is true and unchanged and will last eternally.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

I know, I know, I have been delinquent.......

I am going on vacation next week so I have been busy with all the preps (the kids are going to my in-laws, I have to pack, etc.) so I know I haven't been talking to you all that much but I will be in touch soon. Give me some time........

Saturday, August 4, 2007


I was instant messaging with a friend of mine (hello, Krystina) and we were talking about something that annoys a plagues those of us on the heftier side of life. It is so funny because I thought that this only happened to me. I have expanded the list to include three things off the top of my head that annoy me about being overweight (there are so many more but someone is already doing that) and I wanted to get some of you to let me know if you experience this too. Holla at me a comment on your experience:

1. Have you ever went to a store and saw and outfit you really liked or maybe had an outfit in your closet that was your favorite thing to wear and imagined yourself in it and thought about how you would look in it? Then when you put it on and get in the mirror and see yourself you say "OK, what just happened here? Something got lost in the shuffle, I don't think the mirror got my memo." It is like you looked so great in your head and when you actually saw yourself you are apalled. I don't know about you all but this happens to me ALL the time.

2. Have you ever sat down maybe in a hotel lounge or walked through a dept store and caught a quick glance of yourself in the mirror and thought "Who is that fat.....oh, gasp, It's me!"? Well, it just happened to me tonight and it has happened to me before.

3. Have you ever seen someone overweight walking down the street and thought about how bad THEY looked, only to realize that you probably looked just as bad and maybe they are looking at you and thinking the same thing about you thinking the same thing about them thinking the same thing about you and it becomes this vicious cycle?

I was going through these things in my head and I know I am not alone, comment on this and tell me about some of the things you go through or tell me that you go through the same thing. I would love to hear what you all have to say!