Have no fear, I have not been abducted by aliens.....

I know I have been slipping. I was gone all last week and it has been really hard to get back into the swing of things this week (hello, a week without kids or having to cook or clean is soooooo hard to get over). Anyways, I will be back in full blogger form tomorrow at which point you can expect a full report on my trip and how good, or should I say bad (gulp!), I was. Tata for now!!!! Ciao!

Five o' clock in the morning-where you gonna be? ON MY COMPUTER!!!!!

So I woke up this morning at five and couldn't get back to sleep. I didn't go to bed super early, maybe about 11 or so, but I just couldn't get back to sleep. I think it is because my kids are gone, it just feels weird. Anyway, I am going to go to the gym for the first time today. They have a salsa-groove aerobics class that I really wanted to try out and now I just feel like I have all these things I want to do since my kids are with their grandparents and I don't have to worry about who is going to watch them, do I have enough juice, is the stroller in the trunk, you know, mom stuff. I am going to our annual church conference next week and to be honest, I am ambivalent about it. I am soooo excited to go and see all the different people from the different churches, the friends and acquaintances that I have made over the years, but I am a lot heavier than I was the last time we went. Granted I have had twins since everyone last saw me, but that was still over a year ago (geez, where does the time go). I used to laugh when people were doing all this stuff to lose weight before conference and buying all these clothes like I didn't care how I looked but this year I am disgusted with myself. I look like crap all the time because I feel like crap all the time. I won't buy any new clothes because I told myself I wouldn't buy any new clothes until I lost weight but now I regret that because I just don't try anymore and I don't think that is good. I used to take pride in my looks and lately if I got on a clean shirt, I am doing alright. No worries, we don't go there for a fashion show but I know that I should, as a christian and as a woman, put my best face, body, etc. forward. So next year, I resolve to go to conference changed (and I might add for the better).

My thursday thirteen, but it's friday so it's friday thirteen again....AAACK!

1. That my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, died to save me from my sins and desires to know me....that will ALWAYS be my first one.

2. That I have a roof over my head and my basic needs are provided for. We have been having bad car troubles these past few weeks and I have to take the bus sometimes (absolutely taboo in southern California) but most of the world doesn't even own a car and some of the world can't even say their basic needs are met. I can make that statement and then some so I shouldn't complain (even though I do).

3. That I have a wonderful husband that puts up with me being a crappy wife lately and I know he still loves me. He's not going out to the bar all night or sending text messages to some bimbo at work. For that reason alone, I am motivated to be better.

4. For music, without which my brain would shrivel up and life would be just, plain bland......bleaaahhh....

5. For my babies. As much as they get on my nerves, and I cherish the moments when they are sleep, they went to spend the week at Grammy's and I still cried when they left and am about to cry now. I was at a friends house after they left. I thought I saw something on the floor, and thought it would be one of their little faces crawling around the couch to peek at me, but nothing was there. I need to remember that the next time I am frustrated with them that if they were gone, nothing would be there in the HUGE place in my heart I have for them.

6. For Dr. Laura. She reminds me when I am being a crappy wife and that I need to "Do the right thing".

7. For ears to hear, eyes to see, a mind to think and a heart to love.

8. For flip flops. Sometimes just feeling a cool breeze on your feet can be a pick-me-up.

8. For all of you who write and encourage me and laugh at my jokes, it really means a lot to me to see all of your comments.

9. For make-up. I positively love the stuff

10. For books. You can be in a whole different world without even getting out of your seat.

11. For my friends. They make me laugh and they make me think and they make me want to be a better person.

12. For prayer. A tool that, to be honest, I don't use nearly as much as I should but I am going to give thanks for it because it is powerful and it does work.

13. For God's word that is true and unchanged and will last eternally.

I know, I know, I have been delinquent.......

I am going on vacation next week so I have been busy with all the preps (the kids are going to my in-laws, I have to pack, etc.) so I know I haven't been talking to you all that much but I will be in touch soon. Give me some time........

CAN I GET A WITNESS!!!!!

I was instant messaging with a friend of mine (hello, Krystina) and we were talking about something that annoys a plagues those of us on the heftier side of life. It is so funny because I thought that this only happened to me. I have expanded the list to include three things off the top of my head that annoy me about being overweight (there are so many more but someone is already doing that) and I wanted to get some of you to let me know if you experience this too. Holla at me a comment on your experience:

1. Have you ever went to a store and saw and outfit you really liked or maybe had an outfit in your closet that was your favorite thing to wear and imagined yourself in it and thought about how you would look in it? Then when you put it on and get in the mirror and see yourself you say "OK, what just happened here? Something got lost in the shuffle, I don't think the mirror got my memo." It is like you looked so great in your head and when you actually saw yourself you are apalled. I don't know about you all but this happens to me ALL the time.

2. Have you ever sat down maybe in a hotel lounge or walked through a dept store and caught a quick glance of yourself in the mirror and thought "Who is that fat.....oh, gasp, It's me!"? Well, it just happened to me tonight and it has happened to me before.

3. Have you ever seen someone overweight walking down the street and thought about how bad THEY looked, only to realize that you probably looked just as bad and maybe they are looking at you and thinking the same thing about you thinking the same thing about them thinking the same thing about you and it becomes this vicious cycle?

I was going through these things in my head and I know I am not alone, comment on this and tell me about some of the things you go through or tell me that you go through the same thing. I would love to hear what you all have to say!

It's official.....I have joined a gym

Well, I did it. I joined the gym. The price per month is pretty good. Just 20 bucks. I went there with a different plan in mind but darn those pesky sales people! Oh well, I had been wanting to join for a while but I never really did it because I just wasn't sure I was ready to take the plunge and it would sure tick me off to be putting out 20 dollars a month and not using it (hello, that is like 18 double cheeseburgers). It is a women's gym so I don't have to worry about looking hideous next to some buff, bronze, gym bunny (I'll still look hideous, it's just that there won't be anyone there to notice it). What I really wanted was the aerobics classes. I LOOOOOOOVVVVEEEEE aerobics classes. It gives me an opportunity to shake my butt and since I don't go to the club, my life is severely lacking in the butt shaking department. I also like the sauna and the pool but I want the classes. I think that if I enjoy what I am doing, I will be more motivated to go do it. However, I do realize that I need to bring myself into the realm of doing things not because I enjoy them but because they need to be done but hey, one thing at a time. At any rate, I will keep you all posted on the adventures of Big Momma Black in fitnees world............